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10 Rules for a Successful Marraige

by Arlan Kardon

1. Provide constant physical attention. Yes, it’s true, sex is different for men! Have it on demand, when either of you wants it.
2. Invest in therapy from time to time. It will cost you less in the long run than a divorce lawyer.
3. Respect each other. Make your marriage a real partnership, the kind that is very hard to dissolve.
4. Maintain constant verbal communication, even if it includes yelling. Button pushing is allowable, but not dirty fighting.
5. Be each other’s best friend. That means sharing your secrets and letting all your warts hang out.
6. What you see is what you get! Don’t ever believe you can alter your spouse or lead him or her to believe they can change you. This is simply not true, short of a significant emotional event, so be comfortable with who you’re choosing in the moment.
7. Good things don’t come in tighter packages. Appreciate the history you have with your spouse and preserve your intimacy, as this relationship is your own personal archive.
8. Intimacy is critical. This means sharing your most personal moments, physically and emotionally.
9. Compromise, even if it’s painful in the moment.
10. Finally, humor! Not everything can be wonderful all of the time. Find some shared humor to get you through the bad times.

Arlan Kardon is chair of the Domestic Relations Practice at Dolchin, Slotkin & Todd, and is admitted to practice in New York and Pennsylvania. In 2004 and 2005, she was cited as one of Pennsylvania’s Top 50 Woman Lawyers. She is a lecturer in her field for the Pennsylvania Bar Associations and was a lecturer for Temple University’s LLM program.